


Band-Aids

by JustAnotherFanfictionWriter



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Based on a Dream, Captain America Civil War Spoilers, Everyone becomes happy au, F/M, M/M, More tags to be added, Post Captain America Civil War, Post Civil War, Steve is bi, au where nothing is wrong (eventually), civil war spoilers, injury tw, unedited
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-12 15:29:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7111771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherFanfictionWriter/pseuds/JustAnotherFanfictionWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So, the world has its avenger.” The man spoke softly to Steve. He began to choke Steve. Steve closed his eyes and struggled, trying to pull himself free. Of course, it was in vain. The man was too far up for Steve to land safely, and he knew that. Steve was stuck. Steve glanced behind the man, spotting Tony flying in his suit. It was a welcome sight; someone he didn’t think he’d ever be happy to see again. “I’m not the only one.” Steve choked out. [NOTE: Most chapters are unedited, but will be updated after the release of Black Panther and other movies!]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was based loosely off of a dream I had where I fought the main villain of Man of Steel (as Captain America) and won somehow. I also yelled at Superman, but that won't be in the story. As stated, there will be spoilers from Civil War, so if you haven't watched the movie and plan to, don't continue to read. In later, updated/edited chapters there will be references to Black Panther (as I wrote this before we had that wonderful, wonderful movie) but I won't have that just yet.

 

                Steve was reluctant to let Bucky go back under, but it was something Bucky had wanted. Steve found himself standing in front of the place where Bucky slept often, wishing he could fix his friend. Steve heard someone walking up next to him, but he didn’t glance at who it was.

                “He chose this.” Sam spoke softly.

                “I know he did.” Steve replied, “It doesn’t mean I can’t feel awful.”

                “You can’t do much now.” Sam sighed, “Until we find a way to make sure he doesn’t turn into the Winter Soldier.”

                Steve nodded sadly.

                “He wrote about this in a journal.” Steve sighed, “The one I found in his apartment in Romania. He wrote about how he never wanted to go back under again.”

                Steve heard Sam sigh.

                “You can’t blame yourself for this, Steve.” Sam insisted.

                “I do.” Steve sighed, turning away from Bucky.

                “I know and it’s not right.” Sam remarked, “You had nothing to do with this.”

                Steve knew Sam was right, but part of him always wondered. What if he’d caught Bucky back in 1945, on the freight car? What if he’d been faster? What if he’d been less reckless? Steve shook his head and walked back to the main room, where Wanda sat cuddled in a loveseat to herself. She held a warm drink in her hands, content. Clint was annoyed, and Steve knew that. He wanted to return home and see his family. It was cruel of Steve to call him for help. Scott paced nervously, staring out into the jungle before them. T’Challa was nowhere to be seen, but Steve suspected he was in the building. Or he was dealing with official business.

                Steve sat on the couch, Sam taking a seat next to him.

                “We’ll get him out soon.” Sam promised Steve, “T’Challa is working on a way to fix him.”

                “I know, and I’m grateful for that.” Steve sighed, “It’s just…hard knowing that’s the last place your best friend wanted to end up.”

                Sam nodded and patted Steve’s shoulder.

                “It’s not your fault.” Sam told him.

                Steve gave Sam a sad smile. After Steve sighed, Sam turned on the news. It was the usual stuff, talking about how Tony and the other half of the Avengers had signed the United Nation’s sanction on themselves.

                “It’s a way for us to protect people from ourselves.” Tony spoke on screen, “We can be very dangerous to people.”

                Steve shook his head. He couldn’t understand why Tony thought these were a good idea. They were one of the worst ones he could think of. It was part of the reason why Steve didn’t go back. He knew that he could, now that Bucky was somewhere safe.

                Sam was about to rant to the television, but breaking news interrupted the story.

                An alien had descended on England, threatening the entire world. He talked about he was the “true god” the mortals should worship, and if any dared defy him they should try to fight him. He was convinced he was invincible, and it had been without reason—police had tried shooting at him but he’d simply deflected the bullets. He could lift a car with one hand, and even fly.

                Steve’s heartbeat quickened as he stared at the news. He stared at the others, who had the same reaction. They needed to _act._ Part of him wondered if they should wait to see if Tony would join them.

                “Should we wait on this one, Cap?” Clint asked, voicing Steve’s concern.

                “We have to go. Now.” Steve said.

                Everyone jumped up from their positions as T’Challa entered the room. He was watching the television, nervously.

                “I’ll come too.” T’Challa told him, calmly walking with everyone to get suited up.

                “You don’t have to help.” Steve told T’Challa.

                “I choose to.” T’Challa replied.

                Steve felt almost guilty for it. T’Challa was giving them a place to stay and operate. He was protecting Bucky, which was something Steve admired. He was going to help them stop this man from taking over the world, and most likely fly them to England to help. Steve didn’t want T’Challa to bend over backwards to make sure they had what they needed, but he liked the help.

                When everyone was ready and on the plane, it was eerily quiet. Everyone seemed to know the risk they were taking, much like they had when they sided with Steve in the first place. Steve felt uncomfortable with the lack of information on this guy, but he was a threat. They had to go and deal with it before it was too late. The United Nations was probably meeting to decide of the other half of the Avengers should help. Steve closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

                “Alright.” Steve spoke up, opening his eyes, “We get as many people away from the fighting as we can, if we can.”

                “If not?” Sam asked.

                “We make sure this guy doesn’t take over the world.” Steve replied simply.

                Everyone seemed nervous. Steve would have felt much better if Bucky was by his side, helping him with this fight. Bucky had always been in his thoughts when he was nervous, and it was worse knowing he could be by Steve’s side. Steve swallowed that feeling down and began to form some sort of plan. New York, when Loki tried to take over, came to mind. It was a decent plan, but he’d have to modify it.

                “Wanda, Clint, T’Challa, Scott.” Steve called, “I want you guys getting as many people out as you can. Sam, I want your eyes in the sky—spotting people and getting them out as fast as you can. Our top priority is minimizing casualties.”

                Sam nodded, but he pressed his lips. When the plane landed, the others darted out to help. Sam caught Steve’s arm, pulling him back slightly. Steve glanced over at his friend, confused.

                “Please tell me you’re not going to face that guy alone?” Sam asked, nudging his head at the alien.

                Steve winced.

                “I could, but I’d be lying.” Steve admitted.

                Sam shook his head.

                “Nope.” He said, “You are not facing him all by yourself. I’m helping.”

                “Sam, we have to prioritize.” Steve insisted, “Scott and I are the only two who _might_ have a chance of standing up to him.”

                Sam glanced up at the man, flying around like he was a god. He was holding a car with one hand, like he had on TV. It was easy to see why Steve said that.

                “I’m not going to have Scott face him.” Steve told Sam, “He’s got a kid.”

                “And we have to get as many people out of here while you distract him.” Sam finished.

                Steve nodded.

                “Saving lives is our top priority.” Steve told him.

                “But you’d give your own to the people who turned on you?” Sam asked sadly, letting Steve’s arm go.

                “Always.” Steve smiled, “Besides, I _did_ break the law by helping Bucky.”

                Steve heard Sam chuckle softly. Steve stepped off of the plane, watching Sam take off flying. Steve heaved a sigh and closed his eyes. He was nervous—he always was before they began to fight for their lives. Steve glanced up at the bad guy and whistled at him to get his attention.

                “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?” Steve called up to him.

                Steve saw a few civilians stare at him. The alien from another planet stared down at him, smiling. The man floated down to Steve, tossing the car aside. Steve wished he had his shield now, his heart pounding. He kept a stern expression, his fists balled at his sides.

                “You _dare_ challenge my authority?” The man boomed.

                “You don’t have authority.” Steve replied, “You’re just a bully.”

                With that, Steve raised his fists, preparing for a fight. He clenched his jaw, waiting for the other guy to make a move. The man scoffed and rolled his eyes. He punched at Steve. Steve ducked to the left, punching the man with his left hand. He switched to a cross with his right, dodging the man’s next punch. Steve noticed that the man took his hits without being phased. Steve clenched his jaw and made a mental note to hit him harder.

                The man landed one solid punch to Steve’s chest when Steve went to attack. The force of the man’s hit launched Steve into one of the nearby buildings. Steve groaned in pain, rolling from his back onto his side. He was dazed. The man hit hard. Steve struggled to stand up, watching the man walk towards him. Steve swallowed nervously, raising his fists.

                The man scoffed. Steve waited for him to make a move, but the man stood there confidently.

                “Do you really think _you_ can defend humanity?” The man laughed.

                “I just don’t like bullies.” Steve replied.

                The man stared at Steve. The man looked as if he was trying to figure out what Steve meant. Steve took the moment to throw another punch at the man. It hit, and looked like it hurt a little. Steve reacted by kneeing the man in the gut, making it as hard as he could. The man stumbled backward. Steve punched him twice, making each one as hard as he physically could. He kicked the man out of the building, but the man only stumbled backwards.

                Frustrated, the man dodged Steve’s next attack. The man struck Steve in the back while Steve stumbled forward, launching him into another building. Steve cried out in pain, nearly blacking out when he was knocked through the wall. Steve stayed on the ground longer than he needed to. He eventually found his way to his feet, teetering a little as the man rolled his eyes. The man slapped Steve into another wall. Steve didn’t do much to fight it, enduring the pain as he landed again. Steve had heard a concerning snap when he went through this one, and his arm felt funny. He figured it was broken. He knew he had a few broken ribs as well.

                Despite it all, Steve pushed himself back onto his feet.

                “Cap, you alright?” Sam asked into the headset.

                “Do you ever give up?” The man shouted at Steve.

                “I could do this all day.” Steve replied to both of them.

                Steve knew he shouldn’t have gotten up the most recent time. He had no real way to defend himself, and he was so badly injured it was almost pitiful. He should have stayed down and called for backup. The man rushed forward and grabbed Steve by the neck, Steve unable to do more than swat at him with his left hand. Steve tried to kick the man, but he began to fly up.

                “So, the world has its avenger.” The man spoke softly to Steve.

                He began to choke Steve. Steve closed his eyes and struggled, trying to pull himself free. Of course, it was in vain. The man was too far up for Steve to land safely, and he knew that. Steve was stuck. Steve glanced behind the man, spotting Tony flying in his suit. It was a welcome sight; someone he didn’t think he’d ever be happy to see again.

                “I’m not the only one.” Steve choked out.

                The man turned to look where Steve stared, annoyed and shocked. Steve kicked the man one more time. The man glared at Steve, tightening his grip far enough to damage him. The man threw Steve towards the ground as he choked.

                In an instant, Steve was lying on the ground. For a little while, Steve was convinced he was dead. Wanda came into Steve’s view, her face pale. She must have caught him before he could hurt himself. Steve’s legs felt a little numb as he choked and struggled for air. Steve tried to call out for someone to get him help, but he only made a noise of discomfort. He choked again, seeing black spots in his vision. This was worse than the time he almost drowned, he decided.

                “Get him help!” Wanda cried out.

                Steve’s eyes fluttered shut. Numbly, he accepted the fact that he was dying. He was going to die. In a way, it was fitting.

* * *

 

                Tony was the first one to visit Steve once Steve was out of surgery. He was going to need more, since he was so badly injured. This initial one allowed him to breathe—even if he needed machines to help him. Tony had never thought he’d see Steve in this state. Tony had never thought he’d see Steve almost die on the battlefield. His biggest fear was coming true—and he wasn’t happy. Tony wiped the tears that came to his eyes, trying to hide the fact that he was scared. He couldn’t let anyone see him like this. He and Steve were supposed to hate each other. Tony found it hard to hate Steve when he stared at the man, though.

                Steve’s breath hitched as he slept. Tony’s heart skipped a beat, but Steve’s breathing returned to normal.

                “The doctors don’t know if he’ll ever wake up.” Natasha spoke softly.

                Tony glanced over at her, shocked and angry. How could she _say_ that?

                “They don’t know that for sure.” Tony spoke quickly, “He could wake up tomorrow.”

                Natasha pressed her lips together and sighed. She looked away from Tony, staring at Steve. The world wasn’t aware of how bad Steve’s condition was. They just knew he was injured in a fight. Tony still saw the man’s smug expression when the man taunted him. Tony’s blood boiled when he thought of how hard Steve must have fought to try and save as many people as he could. Tony couldn’t do much to stop him, but he did injure the man. He wanted to kill the man.

                “They want us to make a statement about Rogers.” Natasha spoke quietly, “Are you going to be there?”

                “What are we going to say?” Tony shot back, “That Captain Rogers is dying because he was too stupid to run from a fight he knew he was going to lose?”

                Natasha flinched a little, staring back at Steve.

                “I was going to say he nearly gave his life to make sure as many people escaped as possible.” Natasha replied, her voice dangerous, “Unless you want to go with a different image of the Captain.”

                Natasha’s version was so heroic it made Tony nauseous. Tony glanced back at Steve, fresh tears finding themselves to his eyes. He didn’t want to cry in front of Natasha. She’d tease him about this later. He knew it. Tony cursed at himself for crying, turning away from Natasha and Steve. Why did he care so much about Steve? Steve had _abandoned_ him for a H.Y.D.R.A. assassin. Not only that, but the man that murdered his parents. All because “they were friends before he belonged to H.Y.D.R.A.”

                “Say what you want.” Tony finally spoke, when he felt his voice wouldn’t betray him, “I don’t care.”

                _Then why are you crying?_ Tony asked himself.

                “We’re all affected by this, Tony.” Natasha spoke, “Not just you.”

                Tony wanted to come up with some witty comeback, but his voice failed him. He just opened his mouth and closed it. Tony took a deep breath and wiped his eyes.

                “When is the press conference?” Tony asked.

                “Tomorrow at noon.” Natasha told him, “If you can make it we’d like you to speak.”

                “Why?” Tony asked.

                “After Steve left you became the leader of the Avengers.” Natasha shrugged, “Besides, you’re the only one who is comfortable with giving them.”

                Tony felt like there was another reason, but he didn’t say anything. He just stared at Steve. The man looked uncharacteristically weak and vulnerable. His right arm and left leg were in casts, broken in the fight. Steve’s neck was in a brace, since they believed his spine was damaged when he was launched through one of the many walls. His breathing was forced and rhythmic, a mask covering his mouth so he could breathe properly. His eye was red and puffy from being knocked face-first into a wall, and his perfect nose had been broken. It was reset, and didn’t look like it had been broken, but Tony knew it was. Steve’s left arm was placed over his stomach, to make it look like he was only sleeping.

                “Why are you so selfish?” Tony asked him.

                Tony waited for a response, but he got none. Steve’s lip didn’t even twitch in irritation or amusement. Again, tears came to Tony’s eyes.

                “Can you even hear me?” Tony’s heart was sinking to the floor.

                Again, Steve didn’t respond. He just breathed slowly, like he was sleeping. Tony knew better than that—Steve wasn’t asleep. He was probably dying, and there was nothing Tony could do about it. Tony found himself taking Steve’s free hand. Tony sighed, noticing it was somehow warm.

                “Why couldn’t you run from this one fight?” Tony whispered.

                Tony sighed and gently touched Steve’s head, nowhere near his face or injuries. He pressed his lips together and sighed bitterly, standing up. He wiped the tears from his eyes and walked out of the room, purposefully leaving his jacket. He planned on coming back later, but he was giving everyone else a chance to see Steve.


	2. Chapter 2

                All of the cameras were pointed at Tony. He licked his lips nervously and stared at the speech he’d written. He didn’t know why he did. He never read them. He would, for a while, but then he’d go off on his own. It was always how it worked.

                “Captain Rogers, is a brave man.” Tony started, ignoring his notes entirely, “It is one of the things that I imagine all of us admire him for. He wants to fight for what he believes is the right thing, and most of the time he’s right. What he did in England yesterday was honorable and admirable, however it wasn’t without consequences. Captain Rogers is in critical condition. We ask that everyone give him their regards and keep him in their thoughts.”

                Tony chose to leave out the fact that the doctors didn’t think he’d live. He didn’t want to admit that to the public. He wanted to live in his state of denial, believing that Steve would wake up in a few days and be just fine.

                “How serious is Captain Rogers’s condition?” A woman asked.

                Tony winced.

                “He’s in critical condition.” Tony answered, “He got very badly injured in his fight.”

                “Some would say it was a fight he couldn’t win.” A man chimed in, “Why did he enter it in the first place?”

                _Because he’s stupid._ Tony thought.

                “He was buying time for the people who lived in the city.” Tony answered, “He knew the other half of the Avengers would be a while.”

                “And why did it take you so long?” Another woman asked.

                “The United Nations sanction prevents us from acting on a situation until they give us the all-clear.” Tony answered, almost offended, “We were following directions.”

                “Captain Rogers wasn’t.” A man pointed out, “He almost got killed because you decided to play by the rules.”

                Tony opened his mouth to respond, but his voice had failed him. They were hitting him where it hurt.

                “You’re the Avengers!” A woman called out, “You should have just jumped to help!”

                “Legally we aren’t allowed to do that.” Tony finally spoke, his voice quivering slightly, “We can’t act on a situation unless the United Nations says it is necessary. Captain Rogers was acting outside of the law on this one—he’s been outside of the law for a while.”

                “Captain Rogers is in the hospital because he chose to help!” A man called out.

                “I am aware of that.” Tony snapped.

                He wanted to continue, but he stopped himself from speaking. He thanked everyone for coming to the conference and stepped off of the podium, shaking in anger. How could they accuse him of purposefully leaving Steve to die? They never said that specifically, but he knew that’s what they were thinking.

                Tony sighed when he heard his phone ringing. He’d called Pepper in a small fit of pain, hanging up before he could leave a voicemail. He knew she was mad at him, but he needed her. He was falling apart, and he wanted someone to help him pick them up. Tony pulled the phone out of his pocket and answered it.

                “Tony?” Pepper asked.

                “I’m sorry.” Tony sighed, “I shouldn’t have called. It was impulsive and stupid of me.”

                “Tony I just saw the press conference.” Pepper spoke carefully, “Are you okay?”

                “Yes I—.” Tony started, but sighed, “No.”

                There was silence on the other end.

                “I’m not okay, Pepper.” Tony sighed, “I haven’t been for a while. But it’s selfish and stupid of me to drag you into my problems.”

                “Tony…” Pepper’s voice was soft.

                Tony rubbed his head and sighed. He wiped his eyes when they started to tear up, almost cursing himself for allowing them to.

                “I’m sorry, Pepper.” Tony told her, “I don’t…I’ll be fine.”

                “Tony, I care a lot about you.” Pepper insisted, “I just think you have some things to work out before we can actually settle into a relationship…”

                “Goodbye Pepper.” Tony sounded irritated, but he wasn’t.

                He hung up before he could hear what she had to say. He was ashamed of his behavior and knew she was telling the truth. Tony cared so much for Pepper that it hurt. He’d convinced himself that the safest place for her was as far away from him as she could be. He’d put her life in danger too many times. He wasn’t going to do it anymore. Tony missed her, though. He wanted to have her sleeping next to him at night, even if he didn’t sleep much. He wanted to see her smile and roll her eyes when he said something stupid or self-centered. He wanted to hear her laugh.

                Tony shook his head and walked back into the hospital. He found his way to Steve’s room alarmingly fast, and took a seat on Steve’s right. Sam sat on Steve’s left, reading a book silently. Sam looked upset, but he wasn’t as emotional as Tony. Sam glanced up when Tony sat down, wincing at him. Tony knew Sam wanted to speak to him, but didn’t know what to say. After a while, Sam closed the book and put it aside.

                “We’re going to have to tell Bucky.” Sam spoke somberly.

                “I hope you know where he is.” Tony scoffed.

                “Believe it or not, I do.” Sam told Tony, “I was thinking about…picking up the shield for myself, at least until Steve wakes up. The more I’ve thought about it, the more I think Bucky should.”

                “Why?” Tony snapped, “Because they were close?”

                Sam didn’t say anything. He just stared at Tony sternly. Sam shook his head and leaned back in his chair, reaching for the book.

                “Bucky and Steve are close, yes.” Sam told Tony, “Steve would fight everyone in the world if it meant he could have one _day_ with Bucky. He beats himself up over what happened to his friend. Shit, if I’m gonna be honest they’re practically related.”

                Sam turned to the page he was in and began to read idly. Tony stared at him in almost anger, but knew in a way that Sam was right. Steve had already fought against the world to protect Bucky.

                “Of course, if you don’t want me to I won’t offer the shield to him.” Sam told Tony, “But I’m telling Bucky about what happened.”

                The two fell into an awkward silence. The constant beeping of the heart monitor was the only thing to disrupt the silence. It was a comforting noise for Tony, though. He liked knowing that Steve was still alive, still fighting. It gave him hope that Steve would wake up. He would fight again and lead the Avengers again, and all would be normal.

                Tony knew nobody would be the same after this, though. Especially Steve. If Steve survived, the doctors believed there was a chance he would be paralyzed. There was a chance that, if he wasn’t, he’d never walk the same. He may never be able to run or fight. Tony didn’t know which was worse. After a few moments of awkward silence, Sam closed the book he was reading and put it to the side. Everyone was leaving personal objects in the room now, and everyone spent at least an hour with Steve.

                “Do you think Steve…” Tony began to ask, but his voice died off.

                “I’m certain he’ll wake up.” Sam replied, “Steve’s tough. He’s full of life, even if life likes to kick him to the ground at every opportunity.”

                Tony watched Sam as Sam left, patting him on the back gently. Tony sniffled, looking at Steve again. Tony looked away from Steve almost immediately, sighing to himself.

                “Your dark side isn’t that dark.” Tony mumbled to Steve.

                Tony still wasn’t entirely sure what Steve’s “dark side” was. Was it that he wanted to spend his life with Bucky? He began to put himself in front of other people, for once in his life? Neither of those things seemed too “dark” to Tony. They were _human._ Tony ran hand through his hair and sighed softly, shaking his head. He got up and moved to the chair on Steve’s left, facing the TV. Lazily, he turned it on.

                “In a press conference, the United Nations announced it will be evaluating the events that happened in England yesterday. They will be determining if their sanction on one half of the Avengers caused the severe injuries to the Captain, as well as the deaths of thirty civilians.”

                Thirty people didn’t make it. Tony glanced at Steve. From what Tony knew, Steve probably prioritized people. He risked himself so as many people could get out as possible, but still people died. He’d beat himself up over that. Tony would. Thirty people whose lives could have been spared if he’d decided not to be a good boy. If he’d decided to tell the United Nations off, he could have gotten there sooner and saved more lives.

                “The people are outraged at the United Nations and the Avengers for their lack in response.”

                The TV cut to a mother, holding the picture of her dead son. Tony’s throat closed up. He couldn’t stop staring at the picture.

                “If the Avengers arrived sooner my baby would still be alive!” The woman shrieked, “They’re supposed to be our heroes. Where were they?”

                The TV shut off. Tony jumped and glanced around, scared at first. His eyes settled on Wanda.

                “Steve told me you can’t save everyone.” Wanda spoke gently, sitting down at the foot of Steve’s bed.

                “Get off of the bed.” Tony stammered, “You’re not supposed to be up there.”

                Wanda ignored him. She gently placed a hand on Steve’s foot.

                “He told me that you have to not let it get to you. You have to save as many as you can, no matter what.” Wanda sighed, “In a way, it was freeing. I hold myself to a higher standard than you guys, because of what I helped do.”

                Tony knew what she meant, without her ever saying the name. What happened with Ultron was his fault, too. He’d never admit it to everyone, but it was his fault for coming up with the idea of a robot who would protect the world.

                “People still died because of me.” Tony whispered.

                “How many would have died if you turned your head?” Wanda asked, “Yes, thirty are dead. Three thousand could have died.”

                Tony looked up at her. She was watching Tony, sternly.

                “People are always going to die. But you need to tell yourself, you saved as many as you could. The people you saved will thank you for the rest of their lives. You will be their heroes.” Wanda spoke sternly.

                Tony flinched and looked away.

                “Many people seem to forget that we’re humans, too.” Wanda looked at Steve, “We have abilities or talents that make us stronger than most, but we are only human. We will make mistakes, and we will fail on occasion.”

                “Failure isn’t an option.” Tony spoke somberly, “If we fail, we lose everything.”

                Wanda nodded. She sighed and wiped her eyes.

                “Some would say that Steve failed.” Wanda whispered, “He didn’t stop the man from killing thirty people.”

                “But he’s in the hospital!” Tony snapped at her.

                “I’m not saying he failed.” Wanda replied, “Some would say he did.”

                Tony didn’t want to hear that. He shook his head and stood up, walking out of the room. He needed to breathe, and to calm down.

* * *

 

                Bucky blinked against the light, a soft groan leaving his lips. He didn’t know how long he’d been under, but it felt like a while. When his eyes finally adjusted to the light and everything became clear, Bucky was surprised to see Sam standing in front of him. Bucky had expected to see Steve standing in front of him. Bucky felt a pain from his left arm, the arm that was now missing again. He wanted to rub it, but ended up touching his side nervously.

                “Where’s Steve?” Bucky croaked, his voice still hoarse from sleep.

                Sam didn’t respond right away. He shifted his weight. Bucky’s heart stopped. He became as white as a ghost. His eyes widened in fear.

                “Oh God…” Bucky whispered.

                Steve was dead. He was sure that’s what Sam was going to tell him. Bucky’s mind began to race. What happened? Who killed him? Why? Why Steve? Of all the people on Earth, why was it _Steve?_ Who would he have to kill? He’d kill again, if it meant avenging Steve.

                “Steve is in the hospital.” Sam told him.

                Bucky almost took a sigh of relief. While he wasn’t happy with Steve being in the hospital, it was better than dead. Steve was alive, at least for now. Bucky watched Sam after taking a moment to gather himself. He watched Sam’s expression, unable to read it. He wished he could. He could read Steve like the back of his hand, even after everything that happened between them.

                “Is he…going to be okay?” Bucky asked, fearing the response.

                “I think he will.” Sam answered, “Doctors say he won’t be.”

                Bucky closed his eyes and nodded slowly, his mouth going dry. So, Steve may not make it. According to doctors, that is.

                “I want to see him.” Bucky whispered.

                “Considering you’re an outlaw—.” Sam started.

                “I don’t care.” Bucky spoke darkly, “I want to see him. He’s my best friend I can’t…”

                Bucky couldn’t just go back on ice like nothing had happened. He wanted to sit next to Steve, and be there for him. He wanted to watch his best friend recover. Bucky hoped he would.

                “Tony ain’t gonna like it.” Sam told him.

                “Tony can suck my dick.” Bucky snapped, “I’m not going back under.”

                “It’s not safe.” Sam reminded him.

                “I’m aware.” Bucky growled, “I know that I’m a risk, but I’m not going back under. Not when Steve is in the hospital. Not when…”

                _Not when he could die, and I would never know._ Bucky thought.

                Bucky couldn’t meet Sam’s eyes, but he knew Sam was staring at him. Bucky was almost on the verge of tears. He blinked them away. Bucky eventually looked up at Sam, who nodded somberly.

                “I’d recommend waiting until Tony isn’t there to visit him, but I can’t really deny you the right to.” Sam sighed, “It wouldn’t be fair or right.”

                Bucky gave him a sad smile. He nodded and sighed softly.

                “To be honest I don’t care if Tony is there. He’s not going to stop me from being there for Steve.” Bucky replied.

                Slowly, Bucky walked towards a chair to sit down. He did, running his hand through his hair. It felt odd, not having an arm again. He stared down at his metal stump. He remembered the fall, when he’d stared at his normal arm. He blinked the memory away.

                “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you.” Sam told Bucky, “But I figured you should know.”

                “You brought awful news, but I’m glad you woke me up.” Bucky replied sadly, “I would rather know then wake up and ‘oh surprise Steve died.’”

                Bucky didn’t know how he would process it all. He didn’t even know if he could. From the moment he experienced before, he knew it wouldn’t be a good reaction. Bucky licked his lips and rubbed his mouth with his hand. He shook his head and closed his eyes.

                “I wish there was better news for you.” Sam spoke, to fill the silence.

                “Let me change. Then I want to see him.” Bucky replied.

                Bucky new he and Sam didn’t have the most stable of relationships. The thing that got them working together was their friendship towards Steve. Bucky knew Sam was tense around him, and he should be; the Winter Soldier was always just on the brim of coming out. Bucky hated to admit that to himself. He wished he and Sam weren’t so tense, and he’d wanted to know the story of how they met. Perhaps now would be a good time to ask.

                Bucky rose from his chair and walked towards the room they’d prepared for him, even though he’d planned not to use it. He glanced around it. It was very simple and plain, just the way he’d like it. Bucky went to the dresser and found some pants and a shirt, though it wasn’t the ones he’d worn before. They were new. Steve’s choice, most likely.

                Bucky would admit that undressing with one hand was far easier than dressing with one hand. After nearly falling over twice, he got his pants on. The shirt was a little easier, though he was uncomfortable with the one sleeve hanging there limply. He’d swallowed his pride and asked Sam to help get his boots on, even though his cheeks burned while Sam tied them like he was a child. He hated it. Bucky made a mental note to ask T’Challa to look into getting him another arm.

                Once he was finally ready, Sam guided Bucky onto the plane they were using. A woman was sitting in the pilot seat, though Bucky didn’t know who she was.

                “To the hospital?” She asked Sam.

                “Yeah.” Sam sighed.

                The woman nodded, glancing back at Bucky nervously. Bucky winced at her, taking a seat. He fastened the seatbelt with little trouble, thankful he didn’t have to ask Sam to help him again. He half-expected Sam to start teasing him about his boots, but the man stayed silent. It was probably for the best; had this been any other time, where Steve was fine and everything was okay, Bucky imagined he would be regretting the fact that he asked for help. Bucky realized that if Steve _were_ okay, he would have asked Steve. He would _never_ hear the end of it if he asked Steve.

                A lump formed in Bucky’s throat as he thought of his friend. He’d seen Steve in the hospital several times, but he never got used to it. A few of them Steve had been so pale, and his breathing had been so shallow, Bucky thought he was going to die. Bucky had gone into the hallway to cry when he saw Steve like that. He knew Steve would hate seeing him upset like that. Bucky couldn’t help it though—he didn’t act like he worried so much about his friend, but he worried constantly about Steve. They joked that he would go grey just thinking about Steve, but in a way Bucky knew it was true.

                Bucky wiped tears from his eyes, taking a deep breath. He didn’t know when he’d started to cry, but he knew he had to stop. He found that he couldn’t stop the tears from coming, but he wasn’t making a sound while he did. He supposed that was good enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sad continues (sorry not sorry)


	3. Chapter 3

                Bucky nervously stepped into the hospital room, thankful Sam let him go first. His eyes were on Steve. Steve looked so vulnerable, like he had pre-serum. Bucky’s mind jumped back to the time that Scott Bradley nearly killed Steve. Scott wanted Steve to draw him something for his girlfriend, and Steve accepted like the good kid he was. Steve drew it for him and signed it, since Bucky had recommended signing his drawings like a professional artist does. Scott got mad at Steve for doing it, and asked Steve to take off his signature. Steve refused. Scott came at Steve with a bat the next day, and Bucky had to fight him off. Bucky had to run Steve to the hospital himself, since he was unresponsive. The doctors were nervous about it, but Steve recovered.

                “You okay?” Sam asked.

                “No.” Bucky chuckled, walking to the seat on Steve’s left.

                He sat down, taking Steve’s hand. It was almost natural for him to do that. Steve had been in the hospital too many times for Bucky’s liking, but Bucky knew how to act in this situation. He would sit next to Steve and take his hand, waiting patiently. He would talk to Steve on occasion, but not too much. Silence was better.

                “If I didn’t know Steve any better I’d say he liked getting into this much trouble.” Bucky sighed.

                Bucky glanced at Sam, who took a seat across from him. Sam had a book next to him, which he picked up. He turned to the page he’d been on and sighed softly. Bucky glanced back at Steve, stroking his knuckles with his thumb. Steve’s hand was oddly warm for someone who was badly injured, but it made Bucky happy. Bucky then assessed the outer damages to his friend, worried about what lay below the surface. Bucky wanted to know so desperately what had happened, but he also didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to find out who hurt his best friend, because he was afraid he might act rashly. He often did, when other kids sent Steve to the hospital. It got him into trouble on several occasions.

                Bucky felt like someone was staring at him. He felt uncomfortable. He glanced up at the door, eyes locking with Tony. Bucky’s jaw clenched as he stared at Tony. The man looked angry, his fists clenched and shaking at his sides.

                “What are you doing here?” Tony asked him.

                “You can’t expect me to _not_ to be here.” Bucky replied, “My best friend is injured. I’m going to be here for him.”

                “You are a wanted criminal.” Tony snapped.

                “So is Steve.” Bucky spoke calmly, despite the fire that lit inside, “So are Sam, Wanda, Clint, and Scott.”

                Tony opened his mouth to speak, but words didn’t come right away. Bucky wanted to yell at him again, but he kept his mouth shut. He could easily blame Tony for what happened to Steve, but he didn’t know what happened. He wasn’t going to use this to get to Tony.

                “You are a murderer.” Tony spoke weakly.

                “So is Natasha.” Bucky shot back, “She and I were trained assassins. She’s killed people in high places, just like me.”

                “You killed my parents.” Tony whispered.

                Bucky didn’t have an answer for that. He knew he did. He remembered it. He remembered Howard Stark calling him “Bucky,” and him not knowing what to say or do. He felt _guilty_ at what he did. Steve tried to stress to him that it wasn’t him, but it was. While he may not have been in the same mindset as he normally was, he still killed Howard and Maria.

                “I can’t say that I didn’t do it, because then I’d be lying.” Bucky finally spoke, “I can’t tell you that I _wanted_ to do it, because I’d also be lying. At the time, I had no memory of who I was or who Howard was. I was given an order, and through something akin to _torture_ , I was conditioned to follow it.”

                Bucky stared at Steve. He thought about how he’d almost killed Steve, without a second thought of who he was. His throat closed up. This could have been his fault. He had been hospitalized because of Bucky once before.

                “I can’t say that I’m not guilty for what I did. I am. I carry a lot of guilt for things I did.” Bucky’s voice was weak, “I often wonder what would have happened if Steve hadn’t tried to jog my memory. What if I did kill him? It makes me sick.”

                Bucky took another pause to get himself out of that dark place. He never liked wandering in that part of his mind, but it seemed to be everywhere. He sighed softly and looked back at Tony, who stared at him confused.

                “If you did you’d only be as good as you are.” Tony snapped, “You act like a victim but you’re not. You’re a murderer. That’s all you’ll ever be.”

                Bucky’s chest tightened. Tony had hit a button he didn’t even know existed. His eyes flared in anger as he stared up at Tony. Tony had delved in to dangerous territory. Bucky didn’t want to unload himself on a man who would gladly see him dead. He didn’t want to spill his guts while Steve was potentially dying. This whole situation was making him feel off. It didn’t help that his arm was hurting, even though it didn’t exist. But, his anger blinded him.

                “You act like you’re the only victim in this situation. You act like I don’t care about anything, that I’m just a mindless zombie walking around with orders to kill anyone who gets in my way. You act like I don’t regret everything that happened to me. You act like I never got hurt or broken. You act like I’m not left to question everything I once knew. You act like I’m not confused as to who I am, left wondering what’s real and what’s a dream. Which memories are true and which ones are made up to fill some gap in my brain.” Bucky shouted, “You act like I’m not ashamed of everything I did! I can’t go back and save your parents! I can’t go back and stop myself from killing those people! I can’t go back to being just me anymore. I want to, for Steve’s sake. I want to be the Bucky he knew from 1945. I don’t want to carry these dark images and memories, I don’t want to have the Winter Soldier creeping just below the surface, waiting for someone to read off a sequence of words to change me back! I want to be me again, and that can never happen!”

                Bucky was shaking. He’d let go of Steve’s hand, out of fear he may crush it with how tightly his fist was clenched. Bucky was about to cry, and he knew how weak he looked. He didn’t care. He _felt_ weak. He felt exposed. He hated it. He wanted to curl up and sleep next to Steve, just taking in Steve’s scent and pretend everything was okay. Bucky eventually stared up at Tony, waiting for a snarky remark.

                Tony was looking away from Bucky, down at the floor. Bucky half wanted to apologize, but he didn’t. Bucky glanced over at Sam, almost forgetting that he was in the room. Sam was staring at the both of them, a little shocked that things got so heated. Bucky did see that Sam didn’t look all that surprised, considering the rocky relationship they already had.

                “I want you to leave.” Tony whispered.

                “I’m staying here with my best friend.” Bucky spoke, his voice weak and tired, “I want to be here for Steve. Just…let me have this.”

                He was half talking to the world. He wanted the world to just let him sit with Steve, to help Steve recover in whatever way possible. He wanted the world to leave them alone for just a few months. Then it could get back to kicking their ass. Bucky noticed a slight change in Tony’s posture. He shifted his weight and his lips pressed together. Tony turned to Sam, who was watching them nervously.

                “C’mon man.” Sam spoke up, finally, “Just let him stay for a little while.”

                Tony glared at Bucky again, shaking his head.

                “I don’t even know why I’m letting you stay.” Tony spoke angrily, “But you can stay for a week.”

                One week. Bucky didn’t have the energy to fight anymore. One week to be with Steve…

                “What happens after that week?” Bucky asked.

                “You either go to jail or back where you came from.” Tony growled, “And if I see you running around _anywhere,_ I will arrest you.”

                Tony was asking Bucky to go back under. Bucky glared up at Tony. He wasn’t going to argue this. One week wasn’t nearly enough time to spend with Steve, but it was longer than he’d had in a long time.

                “Fine.” Bucky growled.

                Tony pressed his lips together and nodded. Tony awkwardly left the room, giving them the time they needed.

* * *

 

                Natasha didn’t really know what to do when she came to the hospital. She knew how to be friendly and courteous, but each time she’d been to a hospital to visit someone they died. She wanted to check up on Steve, though, and that need overshadowed her personal fears. Natasha sighed softly and opened the door to Steve’s hospital room, peeking inside. Bucky was asleep in the chair on Steve’s left, his only hand placed gently over Steve’s. Natasha tried to be as quiet as possible when she entered the room, but her shoes woke Bucky up. He glanced up at her, wincing at her. Natasha winced at Bucky.

                “Tony isn’t exactly happy.” Natasha found it hard to strike up a conversation with him.

                “I don’t care.” Bucky responded weakly.

                Natasha sat in the chair to Steve’s right, staring at the two of them. She didn’t know what to say. It was a first, she figured. They sat in an awkward silence for a while, staring at Steve. A few people had sent him flowers, and they now sat in random places around the hospital room. Natasha sighed softly and played with one of the flowers next to her, stroking its petals. People were so concerned about Steve, but they hadn’t released another statement about him. Mostly, it was out of respect to Bucky. His week was running out; Bucky only had two more days with Steve before he would vanish again.

                “How are you holding up?” Bucky asked.

                Natasha glanced at Bucky, her eyebrows raised in surprise. Not many people asked her how she was. They just figured she’d be fine. Like him, she’d learned how to hide her real emotions. She’d learned the importance of masks. Steve was the first person to actually take one off, and see her for her. He was the first person who didn’t run away from her when she had dropped the act.

                “I’m fine.” Natasha lied.

                In truth, she was just as scared as everyone else was. She was worried that Steve would never wake up, and that they would be left without a leader. For all his faults, Steve _was_ a good leader. He could call shot s when nobody else could, and that was something she admired him for. In stressful situations he seemed to thrive.

                “Yeah. Right.” Bucky remarked, “I don’t think anyone is fine.”

                Natasha sighed.

                “This is…a first for all of us.” Natasha shrugged, “Steve got hurt before, but…his life was never really in danger.”

                “That’s not true.” Bucky spoke sadly, “I almost killed him.”

                If Steve were awake, he would have insisted it was the Winter Soldier. Not Bucky. Steve never _denied_ that Bucky did what he did, but he certainly didn’t blame Bucky for what he did. To Steve, the Winter Soldier and his best friend were two different people. Natasha imagined that’s what he saw for her, too. Her training turned her into a ruthless killer, but Steve probably saw her for Natasha. That other girl, the Black Widow, was just a different girl. She wasn’t Natasha, and Natasha wasn’t her. Two people existing within the same body.

                “Steve would tell you it wasn’t you.” Natasha sighed, “He believed it with his whole heart.”

                “I still did it.” Bucky whispered, “I almost killed him. Even if I was just The Winter Soldier.”

                It was an identity he could never wipe from his ledger. It was stained with red. More red than hers, Natasha realized.

                “I know a little something about that.” Natasha sighed, “I was trained as a Russian assassin from when I was a little girl. We learned how to be ruthless killers.”

                “People still see you as you.” Bucky mumbled.

                “I got my foot in the right door at the right time.” Natasha sighed, “S.H.I.E.L.D. kept my record a secret for a while, until…”

                “Until it all came down.” Bucky finished, “Unlike you I killed presidents. People don’t really like that. My record is scary because I almost took down _Captain America_. You didn’t. Your cover was blown, but people trust you. Nobody trusts me, except for Steve.”

                It was a half-true statement in Natasha’s eyes. Steve’s group was tense around Bucky, yes, but Bucky could be turned back into the Winter Soldier at a moment’s notice. Even Steve was a little tense around Bucky. Natasha pressed her lips together and sighed.

                “If you want me to, I could try to convince Tony to lighten up.” Natasha suggested, “Spending a week with him isn’t exactly helpful to either of you, especially since his condition hasn’t improved.”

                “It hasn’t gotten worse, which makes me relieved.” Bucky spoke honestly, “You know, I was with Steve almost every single time he went to the hospital.”

                “I didn’t.” Natasha admitted.

                She wondered how tired he was. It was difficult to see anyone you cared about in the hospital, but being with Steve almost every time he went probably didn’t do wonders for you. Bucky looked at Natasha for the first time, giving her a sad smile.

                “The only time I wasn’t was when I was the Winter Soldier.” Bucky continued, “But every time he did something that got him hurt I was the one that ran him to the doctor.”

                Natasha smiled.

                “He’s lucky he had someone who cared about him that much.” Natasha spoke softly.

                Bucky scoffed and rolled his eyes. He touched his side nervously, roughly where his left bicep would be if he had his arm. Bucky sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

                “I cared too much for him, most days.” Bucky sighed, “We didn’t become friends that way, though.”

                “Really?” Natasha asked.

                She was genuinely interested in his past. So much of Bucky was a mystery to Natasha. The only times she’d dealt with him, he was the Winter Soldier or he was running away from them. Bucky was a whole new person to Natasha.

                “I was walking him home after school one day.” Bucky told her, “Steve is a year younger than me, and always got into trouble. He had a friend at the time, who would walk him home, but that kid was sick. So, Steve was left all alone. Every time Steve walked home alone, the next day he’d come to school with a bright smile and a fat lip.”

                He paused to chuckle at the memory. Natasha found herself smiling, imagining Steve as a child. It was hard to picture.

                “He was the tiniest kid on the playground. I often watched him sit in the shade with his notebook, wondering what he was doing. He was feisty, though. If he saw a kid getting picked on he’d step in, no matter what. Even if the kid getting picked on was in fifth grade. It led to a lot of kids bullying him. But he never stopped Steve from being who he was.” Bucky stared at Steve, admiration in his eyes, “So, the day we met and talked the most Steve as walking home alone. I chose to join him. Steve, when walking with other people, would climb up on a wooden fence near his house. He’d walk along it like it was no big deal, like he wasn’t a delicate little flower.”

                “Steve, a delicate flower?” Natasha joked.

                “Oh yeah.” Bucky laughed, “If he sat in the sun too long he’d pass out. He had heart palpitations, high blood pressure, asthma, sinus problems, general heart problems, he got fatigued easily, and whenever a cold or any illness came through, he got it. No matter what it was—even if it was just the damn cold. I swear, someone mentioned they were sick around Steve and the next day he was lying in bed, pouting because he couldn’t do anything but lay there and recover.”

                Natasha laughed. Bucky shook his head.

                “Steve’s mom was a nurse, so he got the help he needed when he needed it. My dad was a doctor, and would help Steve when things became a little too much for Sara to handle.” Bucky sighed, “Anyway, Steve’s friend Alex hated it when Steve walked along the fence like that. He’d often yell at Steve, telling him to ‘get down from there or he’d hurt himself.’”

                Bucky looked at Natasha, a smile on his face. He looked pained, on the inside. Natasha knew these memories were both beautiful, and for now painful.

                “When I walked him home, I didn’t say a thing about him on the fence. Of course I was scared for him, but I wasn’t going to let him know that. He already had an army of people who were scared for him—he didn’t need me to worry too.”

                “What happened?” Natasha asked.

                “While Steve was walking, he began to talk like he was a big guy. His balance wasn’t as bad as the doctors said it was.” Bucky smiled, “So I kicked on the fence to knock him down. He fell, not expecting me to do that. He landed hard, and at first I was terrified. I thought I broke him.”

                Natasha laughed again. Bucky laughed at the memory, too.

                “He had some nasty bruises from it, but he got up and shook it off. He was mad at me for kicking the fence, but I just stood there. I had a smug smile on my face as I told him he had awful balance. He told me he had an amazing balance, and for me to just wait. You’ll see. I asked him to prove it, to get back up on the fence.” Bucky sighed, “He hesitated at first. I wasn’t going to help him up there. I didn’t want to. I wanted Steve to get up there by himself. He climbed up on some debris—nearly giving me a heart attack—but he got up on the fence and began to walk it again, like nothing had happened. I kicked it again, but this time he was prepared for it. He didn’t fall.”

                Natasha watched Bucky. She saw something in him now that she hadn’t seen before. He seemed more human now.

                “So you were the first person to not treat him like a delicate flower.” Natasha told him.

                Bucky nodded, looking back at Steve.

                “There were times when I did.” Bucky sighed, “There were a lot of times where I kind of babied him. He hated me for it for a while, but I tried not to. Not on little things.”

                “Little things like walking along a fence?” Natasha asked.

                “Yeah. When he tried to enlist during World War II, I was frantic.” Bucky sighed, “I kept telling him to let it go. I didn’t want him to follow me into the war.” Bucky sighed, “He wanted to join to help us stop the Nazi party. He wanted to put those bullies back in their place, and I knew that. But, I’d heard stories about what they were doing overseas. The Nazis would kill people like Steve. If they won, he’d be killed. Without a second thought.”

                “But they wanted people who were blonde haired and blue eyed, right?” Natasha asked.

                Bucky scoffed.

                “They killed the Jewish, the gays, and people with disabilities. People who wouldn’t help their society. Steve would be a hindrance, in their eyes. That’s why I joined the army—to protect Steve.” Bucky said, “When he showed up and he was taller than me, stronger than me, I…I didn’t know what to do. I was becoming him, and that was a problem. It’s my _job_ to protect him—his mother asked me to. How can you protect a man that’s stronger than you?”

                Natasha shrugged.

                “You have to protect him from himself, probably.” Natasha said.

                “Yeah, he was— _is,_ getting himself into trouble.” Bucky flinched at what he’d said, “He’s always doing something stupid. Always when I’m gone.”

                Natasha felt sorry for Bucky. The only person she had that was relatively close to her was Clint, and even then they weren’t as close as this. She stood up from her chair and walked to Bucky’s side, stroking his back. She didn’t really know how to comfort him, but this was better than nothing.

                “If you want, I can try to buy you more time with Steve.” Natasha suggested, “I don’t make any promises, but…”

                “I’d appreciate it.” Bucky replied, “You and Sam are so far the only people who have treated me like I’m not a threat.”

                “You’re a little useless without that shiny arm.” Natasha teased, “But he and I saw how it affected Steve when he saw you. He was in shock, the whole world disappeared. It was just the two of you, when you attacked us on the bridge. He could have gotten shot then, if Sam hadn’t kicked you down. I don’t think he even noticed you had a gun pointed to him.”

                “Probably didn’t.” Bucky sighed, “I was supposed to be dead. I have a knack for that, I suppose.”

                Natasha felt almost responsible for Bucky now, since they shared such an intimate moment. Natasha dropped her hand from his back, sighing softly. She took a few steps towards the door, feeling like her time was up. She had to go have a _very_ stern talk with Tony about Bucky.

                “If you need anything, let me know.” Natasha told him.

                “I’ll do that.” Bucky smiled.

                With a nod, Natasha left them alone. She had to plan her course of action with Tony, to twist him into a position she wanted. For Steve’s sake, and for Bucky’s sake, she couldn’t fail this mini mission of hers. She had to remind herself that as she pulled out her phone, dialing Tony’s number.


	4. Chapter 4

                Natasha wasn’t quite sure how she did it, but she’d convinced Tony to give Bucky more time with Steve. She’d wanted to convince Tony that Bucky wasn’t a threat, and he could in fact pick up the shield for Steve, but she failed that end. It would take a lot longer than she wanted. It had taken three weeks to convince Tony that Bucky wasn’t going to kill Steve while Steve slept, which was a small victory for her. She’d memorized Tony’s visitation pattern and given it to Bucky in the meantime, so he could sneak in and visit Steve without running the risk of Tony being there too.

                However, they had more headaches to deal with. Things that were bigger than Bucky.

                “I can’t believe this.” Tony sighed.

                The world was rallying against them. Accusations were being thrown at them for being lazy when it came to the threat. A lot of people died. Tony was on damage control, trying to make sure everything was fine and that nothing would go wrong in the next few days. He was constantly in interviews, in person or over the phone. Natasha, thankfully, wasn’t being questioned too. Though, she did feel bad for Tony.

                “They need someone to blame.” Natasha suggested.

                “They still have someone to blame!” Tony shouted, “Why are they blaming us?”

                Natasha wanted to give Tony the answer, but she said nothing. She figured it would be better to let him rant, without giving him an answer. He looked like he needed it.

                “We’re _trying_ to do the right thing!” Tony continued, “It’s not like I wanted people to die.”

                Tony paced around nervously, his lips pressed together. Natasha caught Vision’s eyes as he stood there, nervously. Vision was new to Tony’s outbursts, and didn’t quite know how to deal with them. Wanda stood next to him, her arms folded. She looked just as tired and annoyed as Tony did.

                “It’s not like I wanted to see Steve in this condition.” Tony mumbled.

                “Then why sign the sanctions?” Wanda snapped, “You knew it would bind you.”

                “Wanda.” Natasha spoke calmly and coolly, “If we start arguing about this now, things aren’t going to be better.”

                “No, she’s right.” Tony snapped, “Why did I sign them? People wanted me to. They told me the Avengers were dangerous. They told me we needed to be put on a leash. Now that we’re on one, why are they mad at us? I shouldn’t have done it.”

                “You were doing the logical thing.” Vision chimed in, “Under the United Nation’s rules—.”

                “Under their rules thirty civilians died! Because we couldn’t help in time!” Tony screamed.

                “Enough!” Natasha shouted.

                Everyone jumped and stared at her. She normally never yelled. She tried not to. It was her job to be quiet and unseen, her training dictated it. She was at the end of her ropes with this fighting.

                “Maybe we made a mistake.” Natasha told them, “Maybe we chose the wrong thing. Maybe this _wasn’t_ the answer. But you know what? Now we know this wasn’t the answer. So now we can _do_ something about it.”

                “You’re sounding a lot like Steve.” Tony pointed out, pouting slightly.

                “It’s about time someone did.” Natasha snapped, “This has been going on for too long. Steve nearly gave his life so we could get as many people out as possible. Even though they hated him. Even though they thought he was in the wrong for siding with his best friend. I can’t say I knew— _know_ him well, but I can say he’d want us to overcome this. I don’t think he liked seeing us torn apart.”

                “For once I agree with her.” Rhodey spoke up.

                Rhodey had been quiet since the whole ordeal started. He was focused on recovery, and was aware he would never fly again. Natasha saw him when they got back, how he sat there in shock staring at the footage of Captain America being carried off of the battle field in a stretcher. He hadn’t visited Steve, but Natasha knew he’d wanted to.

                “We have to look ahead. What is going to help us more? Fighting with each other over the same thing isn’t what’s going to get us there. Everyone messes up. We just have to figure out a better way for us to function.” Rhodey told Tony.

                Tony rolled his eyes and shook his head.

                “We can’t self-govern.” Tony grumbled.

                “We can’t let others govern us, either.” Natasha pointed out, “Both times we failed the people.”

                “The only time we didn’t was when S.H.I.E.L.D. existed.” Clint pointed out.

                The room fell silent. Steve didn’t like S.H.I.E.L.D. The secrecy within the agency caused him to distrust it. Steve was used to being aware of everything. He’d even mentioned once that it seemed a little too close to H.Y.D.R.A. Of course, it turned out that he was right. Steve brought it down because he thought organizations like that shouldn’t exist.

                “What if we bring it back?” Sam asked, stepping into the room, “I know Steve brought it down but…we can do that, right?”

                “It would be almost impossible.” Natasha said, “All of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s secrets were leaked. Even if we wanted to, the public had a general distrust of the agency.”

                “But it’s still possible?” Sam asked.

                Natasha shrugged.

                “I had a hard time dodging the aftermath that followed Steve’s actions.” Natasha said, “Thankfully people remembered how I helped in New York, so they chose to overlook my record.”

                The more Natasha thought about the idea, the more it seemed to be a solution to their problems. Steve could remain in control of the Avengers—when he recovered—while Tony would still have the accountability he wanted. Under S.H.I.E.L.D., they were able to go wherever they needed to while seeing little to no repercussions for it.

                “How are we going to get agents back?” Tony asked Sam.

                That was the major question. How could they rise S.H.I.E.L.D. from the ashes? Without Nick Fury, it was almost impossible. Nick had disappeared again after the Ultron incident, and they had no clues where he could be. Maria Hill didn’t even know where he could be, but Natasha always suspected she would be in the loop.

                “Maybe we go looking for Fury.” Natasha suggested.

                “Isn’t he dead?” Rhodey asked.

                “Officially, yes.” Natasha answered, “He died when the Winter Soldier attacked his vehicle. The funeral was lovely. Unofficially, he is alive. We don’t really know where he is at this time, or if he’d even be willing to join up with us again.”

                “He helped us with the Ultron incident.” Tony pointed out.

                “We were a mess during the Ultron incident.” Natasha countered, “Besides, he didn’t get himself involved when we got torn apart a few months ago. He’s just in hiding.”

                The room fell silent as they waited for an answer, but none came.

                “I’d like to keep that one in mind.” Tony told them.

                He checked his watch and sighed loudly.

                “I have a press conference to give.” Tony grumbled.

                He walked off, trying to give himself a pep talk. Trying to tell himself what he needed to say. Natasha wanted to walk after him, but she stayed in place. She stared at Sam, who watched her nervously.

                “I can start digging in and finding where Nick is.” Natasha suggested, “It’s probably not going to be easy.”

                Sam nodded. He folded his arms and shook his head, sighing.

                “What are we going to do about the Winter Solider?” Rhodey asked, “He’s still out there.”

                Natasha felt a sudden burst of anger. Rhodey hadn’t spent much time with Bucky. The only things Rhodey knew were from Tony.

                “James Barnes isn’t a threat.” Natasha’s words came off sharply.

                “He did break out if jail—.” Rhodey started.

                “I’m aware.” Natasha growled, “He choked me. However, we now know that Sargent Barnes can be reverted back to being the Winter Soldier. He spent two years hiding from us after we took down S.H.I.E.L.D., and nothing happened. There were no deaths linked to the Winter Soldier, nor were there any sightings of him.”

                Natasha had suspected herself as being the last person to defend Bucky, but with everything she’d been doing for him it was hard to let his comment pass. It was hard for her not to defend him. She could understand more of why Steve wanted to protect him.

                “Even still, he can be reverted back right?” Rhodey spoke carefully, “He’s a bit dangerous to have out there.”

                “Leave the man alone.” Sam interjected, “He’s only got one arm and his best friend could be dying.”

                Rhodey pressed his lips together, but he nodded. He didn’t look entirely happy about it, though.

* * *

 

                Tony felt tired and numb. He had spent far too long making press conferences, talking about what happened, trying to defend his position. Saying he was wrong, and he was sorry. It was uncharacteristic of him, but it was also tiring to admit. Tony sat, watching Bucky sleep next to Steve. Bucky didn’t look too good, either. He had dark circles under his eyes, and he’d often touch his side in pain. Sometimes, he woke up groaning. He’d look at Steve, and he’d swallow painfully. He was constantly on the verge of crying, but he refused to let it out.

                Tony wondered if it was his pride getting in the way, or if it was something else. He hadn’t really bothered to ask—Tony tried not to visit Steve when Bucky did. He wanted to avoid the man as much as possible, considering what he’d done to Tony and his family. Tony couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, though.

                Bucky woke up, wincing in pain and groaning. He touched his shoulder, wincing. He lazily stared at Tony.

                “I bet this makes you happy.” He growled.

                “How much does it hurt?” Tony asked, nudging his head at Bucky’s missing arm.

                Bucky waited a little before responding.

                “A lot.” Bucky answered simply.

                “I could probably get some painkillers for you.” Tony suggested.

                “Why are you being nice to me?” Bucky asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

                Tony glared at Bucky, not bothering to hide his distrust either. Tony knew what it was like to live in pain, though. The reactor in his chest wasn’t exactly the most comfortable thing at first, and he’d needed painkillers to deal with it after he’d come back from being captured. He stopped when he’d noticed he was taking more than usual. Instead, he resorted to alcohol to dull his pain. It wasn’t his smartest decision, he’d admit.

                “I don’t like you, but that doesn’t mean you should be in pain.” Tony answered simply.

                Bucky stared at Tony and sighed, shaking his head. Bucky stared at Steve, and gave a face. Tony hated that face. It was full of pain and worry, like Bucky was about to cry. But he was trying to hold it back for some reason.

                “Stop it.” He told Bucky without hesitation.

                Bucky glanced at him in confusion.

                “That face you’re making. Stop that.” Tony commanded.

                Bucky smirked at Tony.

                “The face that says ‘I’m worried for my best friend’? That one?” Bucky teased.

                “Yes, that one. Stop making it.” Tony frowned, “He’s not getting any worse.”

                “He’s not better.” Bucky pointed out, “I can’t help it.”

                Tony figured he could, and he was just doing it to annoy him. Of course, that was a rash thought. Tony knew he would worry about his friend no matter what, just like he’d worried about Rhodey until Rhodey woke up and told him he was fine. Even then, he still worried a lot—what if the things helping him walk malfunctioned? What if Rhodey fell down and couldn’t get back up? They were thoughts that often crept into Tony’s mind, when he wanted it least.

                Bucky sighed softly and leaned back in his chair. He pressed his lips together and rubbed his hair with his hand. Bucky stared back at Steve, giving the face Tony hated. Tony sighed loudly, standing up from the chair he was in. He glanced back at Bucky as he got to the door.

                “Seriously; I could get you painkillers.” Tony told him.

                “What I need is to be left alone.” Bucky mumbled.

                Tony sighed and nodded. Natasha was standing by the door when Tony opened it. He gave her a tense smile and began to walk towards the front of the building. Tony had managed to snag Bucky’s old arm, the one he’d blown off, to figure out how it worked. He hadn’t worked on it in a while, since everything happened. Tony’s mind drifted to it then. He _could_ build ones similar to it, or repair it entirely. It would give him something to do, rather than have him worry about Steve all the time. Or give draining press conferences.

                Tony closed the door to his car and sighed softly, drumming the steering wheel. He sighed softly and turned on the car, driving back to the place he was staying for now. The Avengers tower was empty for now, and he’d started using it as a base of operations for him to analyze the arm. He hadn’t been back there since Steve got hurt. Now, he was living there like he had before.

                Tony stepped inside the Avengers tower, taking off his jacket. He lazily tossed it onto one of the chairs nearby, walking strait into the lab. Friday greeted him cheerfully, but he ignored her. Tony had business to do.

                “Hey Friday, did you get that analysis on the arm?” Tony asked her.

                “I did.” She answered, “The technology is surprisingly complex for something made so long ago.”

                “Give me the details.” Tony rolled his sleeves up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything is starting to become happy I guess? As an FYI, if I do make a little mistake in what happens let me know! I'll be sure to change it as soon as possible. Also, sorry this one was a little short. I didn't really want to go too much farther with Tony's thing, since I'm not an engineer and can't really explain that kind of stuff. So, it's a convenient "fade to black" moment.


	5. Chapter 5

                Tony had worked tirelessly to create enough options for Bucky. At first, he wasn’t really sure why he was doing this. He hated Bucky, and hated everything about him. He hated that Steve abandoned him for Bucky. The more he thought about it, though, the more he felt sorry for the man. He’d read the file on The Winter Soldier several times while he worked on the various arms for him.

                The man had been forcibly brainwashed after being discovered by Russian forces. The initial fall left him broken, but not quite dead—that being a direct result from the torture he endured when he was captured by H.Y.D.R.A. Bucky hadn’t talked about what they did to him there, nor did he put it in the report after he was rescued. So, the Russians took him in and nursed him to health and kept him mostly unconscious while they did. He would wake up and try to fight them off on occasion. Then, they gave Bucky an arm. Of course, each branch of H.Y.D.R.A. was different. The Russians wanted to keep Bucky, while the one the Red Scull commanded wanted him for their own. There was a short period of infighting, all of which Bucky was put on ice for. He’d killed a doctor after getting his arm.

                The Russians eventually won that squabble, and when they brought Bucky back out of cryo-storage they began experimenting with brainwashing. From the reports leaked when S.H.I.E.L.D. went down, H.Y.D.R.A. had already tried to brainwash Bucky, but it had failed. The Russians, somehow, figured out how to do it. But, if he was out for too long, memories would start to come back. So, in-between missions he was wiped and put back in storage.

                Tony shook his head, trying to focus on the arm he was making. He didn’t want to keep thinking about all the bad things that happened to Bucky. The worst part is, Steve had read it first. Steve was aware what they did to him. Tony felt a little awful for being so angry at him. His mind wandered back to when Bucky yelled at him before; when he’d admitted his guilt. Tony now knew what he’d meant.

                “Tony?” Natasha called out.

                Tony had told Natasha to bring Bucky to the old tower, without much else. The two of them had gotten close in the past few weeks, but Tony didn’t really ask about the details.

                “I’m in here.” Tony called out from the lab.

                He made a few minor adjustments to the arm and put it on the table, with the six others he’d built. A few more were scattered throughout the lab, as well as the fully repaired old arm Bucky had. On a few of them he’d gone quite crazy with the design, he’d admit, but if he had an idea he couldn’t just leave it. He had to tinker. It was something he got from his father, he figured.

                Natasha watched the room, almost in shock. Bucky was tense behind her, staring at all of the arms in the room. Bucky’s eyes fell on Tony next, squinting slightly. As much as Tony would like to trust Bucky, the two of them had a relationship that was too rocky. He didn’t know if they would ever truly like each other.

                “I figured you were in pain; so why don’t we just replace the arm?” Tony asked.

                Bucky nodded nervously, wandering around the room.

                “You made…quite a few.” Bucky’s voice was held back.

                “Don’t think that we’re going to be friends just because I made you an arm.” Tony spoke sharply, despite what he really wanted to say, “We can go back to hating each other. I just don’t want to see you in pain any longer.”

                Bucky stared at Tony. He looked almost touched, but he was hard to read. Tony could read most of Steve’s facial expressions and know what he was thinking, sometimes. He got the general concept of what Steve was thinking.

                “Where’s the old one?” Bucky asked.

                “That one is ancient technology!” Tony insisted, “I was able to make better ones!”

                “The weight distribution.” Bucky spoke simply, “I’m used to my left side being heavier than my right side. I’ve re-learned how to fight like that. I’d rather not learn how to fight a third time.”

                Tony sighed, shaking his head. All of that work was just going to be thrown away.

                “I don’t know if it will be 100% normal.” Tony replied, “It is very advanced for the time it was built in.”

                Tony had separated that one from the display of the others. He’d almost wanted Bucky to ditch the old and go with something new. It was Bucky’s choice, though, so if he wanted the old arm back who was he to argue? Tony pulled it out from its little hiding spot and placed it near Bucky, so he could examine the arm.

                Tony had re-built the shoulder compartment, to make things simple.

                “I’d have to study how they attached it to you.” Tony pointed to the shoulder piece, “But I think it won’t be too hard to attach it back to you.”

                Tony had taken the liberty of painting a little Captain America shield on the arm, where the infamous red star used to be. He wanted Bucky to have a new reminder of who he was, not the old. Bucky’s eyes were focused on the little shield. He looked genuinely touched. Bucky looked back up at Tony, giving Tony a pained smile.

                “Thank you.” He whispered, his thumb tracing over the shield.

                “Well, I figured it was about time for something new.” Tony shrugged, “Even if you are going with the old model.”

                Tony had painted the little shield on all of the arms. Bucky didn’t seem to notice it on the others—the old one was the only one that mattered. Bucky sighed softly and nodded, smiling. It was one of the first times Tony saw him give a toothy grin.

                “This was…very thoughtful of you.” Bucky told him gently, “Thank you.”

                Tony gestured to a seat he’d prepared.

                “Take a seat, and remove your shirt. I need Friday to take a scan of you so I can figure out how they attached the thing to you.”

                “You’re not going to be the one attaching it, are you?” Bucky asked nervously.

                “No, but I’d still like an idea of how it works.” Tony smirked.

                Bucky nodded, sitting down in the chair. He took off his jacket and shirt almost expertly with his one hand, handing them to Natasha. Tony had to admit it was a little impressive how he could adapt to his new situation, but was thankful it wouldn’t last long. He glanced over at the arm, now fixed. Tony imagined it was the nicest thing someone had done for him in a while.

                “And when I get my arm, what happens?” Bucky asked.

                Tony shrugged, starting up the program he’d used to scan the arm.

                “Maybe we go back to fighting each other.” Tony said, “Maybe we try to figure out how to fix you.”

                Bucky and Natasha blinked in surprise.

                “Tony are you feeling okay?” Natasha asked, “You’re the one who wants to kill him, remember?”

                “I know but…” Tony sighed, “I’m having a hard time hating you now that I know what they did to you.”

                Bucky winced. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he kept his mouth shut. He simply sat there, watching as Tony fiddled with his machine. Tony glanced at Bucky’s expression and sighed loudly.

                “This doesn’t mean we are all buddy-buddy, though.” Tony grumbled, “It just means I don’t hate you.”

                “It’s a start.” Bucky sighed.

                Tony nodded, turning on the machine. Bucky tensed up as he sat there. Tony figured it was a little reminiscent of when he was being experimented on when he was with H.Y.D.R.A. It was almost cruel of Tony to remind him of what happened to him, in Tony’s eyes, but it was for the best. Friday scanned Bucky slowly, which only slightly bothered Tony. He knew she was doing it to make sure she got every detail of his arm, but it was still frustrating. Once she was done, Tony gave Bucky a nod.

                “It’ll take her a few days to analyze the part of you we need to. I’ll let you know when I need you to come in again.” Tony told him.

                “So it won’t be for a while?” Bucky asked.

                “A few days, maybe a few weeks.” Tony shrugged, “It all depends.”

                “Alright. Thank you.” Bucky winced.

                Bucky put on his shirt, without any help. Tony was a little impressed, since he did it with one hand. Bucky also put on his jacket again, nodding to Tony. Bucky and Natasha walked towards the exit.

                “Hey, if you want to pick up Cap’s shield when this is done we can discuss the details.” Tony called over to him.

                Bucky froze. He turned to stare at Tony, in shock.

                “Steve…” Bucky started.

                “Is still in the hospital.” Tony told him, “People want to see the shield in use. Besides, I don’t really have the energy to fight. And the shield just isn’t my style.”

                Bucky smiled softly.

                “Thank you.” Bucky told him.

                “Don’t thank me yet.” Tony spoke quickly, “We haven’t decided anything.”

                Bucky chuckled and nodded, walking out of the room. Tony sighed softly and turned to Friday.

                “Shall I start the analysis?” She asked.

                “Yeah. Put as much energy into it as you can.” Tony said, going to deal with the fifteen arms that weren’t going to be in use.

* * *

 

                Bucky felt groggy when he woke up. Tony had decided to put him under when they attached his arm, since they would have to take off the old shoulder piece. He blinked a few times, struggling to stay awake. Bucky glanced over at Natasha, who was sitting there on her phone. She glanced up at Bucky idly.

                “You look gorgeous.” Natasha teased.

                “I always am.” Bucky croaked out.

                Natasha rolled her eyes. Bucky grinned lazily. Bucky felt his left hand, glancing over at it. The metal arm was successfully attached, or at least he hoped it was. Bucky moved his fingers, sighing happily. It was good to have it back.

                “Hey there.” Tony called into the room.

                Bucky glanced over at Tony, smiling weakly.

                “Thank you.” Bucky told him.

                He’d meant it. They weren’t close, but this meant a lot to him. It was something Bucky figured only Steve would do. T’Challa entered after Tony, staring down at Bucky. T’Challa hadn’t been around much since Steve got hurt, but none of them really asked why. Bucky figured it was because T’Challa had important kingly things to do, rather than put up with all of their drama. In a way, he was almost jealous that T’Challa could distance himself so well.

                “I’ve had my people searching for the man that nearly killed the Captain.” T’Challa announced suddenly, “I believe I know where he is.”

                Bucky almost sat up from his hospital bed. Natasha’s gentle hand stopped him. She gently pushed him back into the bed. Bucky’s mouth went dry as he stared at T’Challa.

                “Where is he?” Bucky asked darkly.

                He was going to kill this man. He didn’t care about anything else.

                “It would be unwise to go after him.” T’Challa answered.

                “What do we do then?” Tony asked, “Wait?”

                “We must wait until he shows himself.” T’Challa replied, “I have a man on the inside of his little cult he’s started. They will give me information on him as time continues. For now, we just need to wait for more information.”

                Bucky hated this. They knew where he was, but they weren’t going to go after him?

                “Oh.” Tony spoke, turning to Bucky, “I did leave the arm as close to the original design and weight as possible. I simply patched it up a little.”

                “Thank you, Tony.” Bucky smiled, even though he didn’t want to.

                He wanted to fight the man that nearly killed his best friend. But, Bucky figured he wouldn’t fare any better if he tried going after the man. There was no need for him to go and get himself killed. Bucky sighed softly and moved his left hand again, almost glad that it was back. Bucky tested the sheets, somehow feeling the fabric again. Bucky had been confused by his sense of touch in this hand before when he first got it. In a way, he was thankful that Tony kept it in there. Or at least that he’d figured out how to do it.

                “Your arm is weirdly designed, I will say.” Tony sighed, “I could have made a better model that is lighter in weight.”

                “I appreciate it.” Bucky said.

                “Yeah.” Tony sighed, “You’re just used to the old one.”

                Tony pressed his lips together and shook his head. Bucky figured he had a lot on his mind, but he wondered why Tony hadn’t made a press conference in a few weeks. People wanted to hear from the Avengers constantly, especially since Steve was still in the hospital. Tony had only made small announcements to the press, telling them Steve was still in recovery.

                Bucky had also noticed Tony hadn’t visited since Tony began working on Bucky’s arm. Bucky wanted to ask what was keeping Tony away from Steve, but figured it would be better not to ask. Bucky glanced over at Natasha when she took his hand in hers. She was odd around him, but Bucky wasn’t going to comment on it.

                “Should I also begin looking for Banner?” Natasha asked, “And Thor?”

                “Why?” Tony asked.

                “I just…I feel like they should be aware of what is going on.” Natasha shrugged, “It would make me feel a little better. I don’t want to pull a fast one on them.”

                “No, I’m sure they’ll turn up when they’re needed.” Tony sighed, “Besides, I’ve already tried looking for Banner. He’s hard to find when he wants to stay hidden.”

                “Everyone is.” Bucky pointed out, “Steve and Sam were on my trail for two years, but I wouldn’t show them where I was.”

                “You knew?” Natasha asked.

                “Steve knows me.” Bucky shrugged, “He’d figure out where I was most likely to go and he’d head there. Of course he was right, and I’d have to hide from them. After they’d leave in defeat, I would move to a new city. And the process repeated itself.”

                Natasha nodded.

                “Still, I’m sure Banner would like to know about what happened.” Natasha said.

                “I’m sure he already knows.” Tony sighed.

                The room fell silent. T’Challa and Tony left the room, beginning to speak with each other about possible courses of action. Natasha stayed where she was seated, sighing softly.

                “Look, I need to talk to you.” Natasha sighed.

                “Go ahead.” Bucky told her.

                Natasha sighed. Bucky noticed how uncomfortable she was. He tried to let go of her hand, but she squeezed his.

                “Sometimes I get itches.” Natasha said, “I call them itches because they are feelings I was trained not to have.”

                Bucky knew exactly what she meant. A craving for human touch. Sometimes he craved it in a platonic way, sometimes romantically. Other times it was purely physical. But the feelings would fade away after he went through with them. Like an itch that goes away when it’s scratched.

                “And you’re having one?” Bucky asked.

                Natasha nodded.

                “I did a while ago, too. I was having a need for some romantic attention. I chose Banner to help me with them, but he wasn’t aware that at some point they would fade away. He ended up leaving before they did.” Natasha sighed, “It wasn’t fair of me to use him like that, but…”

                “It was bothering you so much. You had to scratch it.” Bucky finished.

                Natasha nodded.

                “And you’re telling me because you feel I had similar experiences.” Bucky told her.

                “I _know_ you did.” Natasha countered.

                “Fair point.” Bucky mumbled.

                The pair sat in silence for a while. Bucky was staring at Natasha, trying to read her. He could only see a trace of what she was thinking when he stared into her eyes. But even then, it was hard for him to read her.

                Natasha sighed and looked away from Bucky. Bucky sighed too, squeezing Natasha’s hand this time.

                “If you want me to help you, I will.” Bucky told her quietly.

                He was having an itch too. He was craving romantic attention, but he didn’t know what to do with it. If she was having the same itch, they might as well scratch it together.

                “But when we decide it’s over, let’s not let things get awkward between us.” Bucky pleaded.

                “Oh don’t worry. This is strictly business.” Natasha teased.

                Bucky gently touched her cheek with his metal hand, tankful she didn’t flinch away from it. It almost felt wrong for him to be doing this with a woman who was so young, but physically he looked a couple of years older than her. He almost dropped his hand from her and called it off then, but she leaned in and kissed him. It was something they had both wanted for a while, it seemed. Bucky’s mind went blank, focusing only on her lips. It was almost nauseating how fast he was getting used to this.

                She pulled away quickly, staring at him.

                “Strictly business, pretty boy.” She told him, a smirk planted on her face.

                Bucky hadn’t realized his hand had buried itself in her hair. He smirked back at her, feeling more confident.

                “Of course, doll face.” Bucky purred.

                Natasha blushed and pulled her head away from his. Bucky grinned.

                “Really?” He asked her, “Out of all the things men have called you, _that’s_ the one that gets you?”

                “Shut up.” Natasha spoke quickly, her face becoming more red.

                Bucky laughed. Natasha glared at him, opening her mouth to speak. She closed it again, her blush deepening.

                “Don’t tell the others.” Natasha warned.

                “Or what, doll face?” Bucky smiled at her.

                Natasha pressed her lips together in frustration. She shook her head and let go of Bucky’s hand. Bucky let her go, laughing to himself.

                “I’m never living this down, am I?” She sighed, rubbing her forehead.

                “Nope!” Bucky grinned, “Never.”

                Natasha glanced over at Bucky and shook her head.

                “You’ll slip up one day, and then the odds will be even.” She told him.

                Bucky winked at her and chuckled again.

                “You can dream, sweetheart.” Bucky told her.

                He got no reaction from that one, but he knew he wouldn’t. He decided to spare Natasha when one of the doctors came in to check on him. Of course, he would not let her live this one down for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More happy times! If at any point I have gone against the canon I have placed in this story, please let me know!


	6. Chapter 6

                Bucky felt weird holding the shield at first. It was _Steve’s_ shield. He shouldn’t be holding it—he wasn’t Captain America. Bucky was the Winter Soldier. People were also scared of him at first, which gave him an uncomfortable feeling. The longer he used it, the more it began to feel normal—and the more people began to accept him. Bucky knew Steve would want him using it if anything happened to him, so it began to feel more natural as time progressed. Bucky used his training to his advantage, to keep in the shadows and attack only when he needed to. He was a different Captain than Steve was, and it was almost refreshing for the people. Though, Bucky did tell himself that if Steve was able to take over again he would give the shield back without hesitation.

                Bucky held his breath while he stood, hiding from H.Y.D.R.A. agents. Tony had insisted the Avengers keep to their task of defeating H.Y.D.R.A. while Steve was recovering. It would help him when he woke up. The organization was still a huge threat to the public, either way. Bucky knew this, but he also knew it was dangerous to have him poking around them. A few agents knew about the words that could turn him back. Bucky was worried that they would try to knock him unconscious somehow to drag him back. Natasha had promised him that she wouldn’t let that happen, but it still left an uneasy feeling in Bucky’s stomach.

                Bucky spotted a man on one of the towers, looking around. Natasha was creeping around the area the man was in, but Bucky didn’t want to throw the shield yet. It would mean he would announce them.

                “Natasha, there’s a guy on your twelve.” Bucky whispered into the radio he had.

                “Copy.” She replied.

                He and Natasha often went on missions together. Sometimes Sam tagged along, just to get away from the hospital. This one, however, was just Bucky and Natasha. Natasha silently took the man out, as Bucky watched. She ducked into cover before anyone could see her.

                “Careful, James.” Natasha told him, “I see two guys on your left.”

                Bucky crept away from them, trying to keep in cover as best he could. He was in a sticky position, but he knew he could hide from them.

                “I heard the Avengers are taking out our bases left and right.” One of the guys said.

                “The Winter Soldier is back in business under a new name.” The other agreed.

                Bucky accidentally stepped on a twig. He held his breath when it snapped, wincing. He should have been careful.

                “Hold up.” The second man said.

                Bucky leaned against the building as the man came around. He turned his flashlight to scan the area. Thankfully, he stopped right before the light could catch Bucky. Bucky held his breath and waited silently.

                “It could have been a squirrel or something.” The first man told him, “Just relax.”

                “Yeah.” The second mumbled, turning around.

                Bucky watched from his position as the man walked back to his friend.

                “We have to get inside. We’re going to need to engage them.” Natasha told Bucky, “I think these guys have keys.”

                “Copy that.” Bucky whispered when he felt like the men were far enough away.

                Bucky crept out of his hiding spot and prepared himself to take them down. He was able to lunge up and knock their heads together before the pair could turn to look at him. Bucky winced when they collapsed. He checked their pockets, finding two keys.

                “I got the keys.” Bucky told Natasha.

                “I’ll meet you at the front door.” Natasha replied.

                Bucky stuck to the shadows as he crept to the main entrance. He spotted Natasha nearby where he was, and crept to her as carefully as he could. He handed her one of the keys.

                “Is it really wise for us to use the main entrance?” Bucky asked.

                “We’re not going to.” Natasha smiled, “I’m going to get in through a side entrance, while you distract them by opening the main doors.”

                “Then I start picking them off from a distance?” Bucky asked.

                Natasha nodded.

                “Hopefully—.”

                There was a loud ringing noise. Natasha and Bucky winced.

                “I know you’re out there, Winter Soldier.” A man spoke in Russian.

                Bucky’s heart stopped.

                “Longing.” The man continued.

                Bucky held his breath. He froze. He felt like he was strapped to a chair.

                “Rusted.”

                Bucky closed his eyes. He placed his hands on the ground. He couldn’t let this happen.

                “Seventeen.”

                Bucky felt Natasha’s hand on his shoulder. She was talking, but he couldn’t hear what she was saying. He was focused on the man’s words. He had to listen to something else.

                “Daybreak.”

                Bucky tried to think of Steve, but Steve was fading away. He tried to bring the memories back, but they were hard to see. He was fading away. Again.

                “Furnace.”

                Natasha was tapping Bucky now. He felt her hand, but he couldn’t look at her. He was staring at his hands, placed firmly on the ground in front of him.

                “Nine.”

                Bucky’s breathing became more erratic as he closed his eyes again. He shook his head weakly, trying to remember. He had to focus on Steve.

                “Benign.”

                Bucky squeezed his eyes shut. More of Steve was fading away. He couldn’t remember Steve’s last name. No, he had to try. Steve…something…

                “Homecoming.”

                He was almost complete. Bucky felt panicked. He couldn’t stop listening. Natasha was speaking into Bucky’s ear. He couldn’t hear her.

                “One.”

                Bucky let out a panicked breath. He was so close to being done. The last of his memories of Steve felt like they were fading away. He could hardly remember what Steve looked like. He could hardly remember what _he_ was like.

                “Freight car.”

                Bucky felt numb. He couldn’t remember why he struggled so hard. Bucky slowly stood up, his arms dropping to his side. He watched in front of him carefully, waiting for orders.

                “Kill the Black Widow. You are needed back home.” The man ordered.

                Without hesitation, Bucky turned to find Natasha. He couldn’t see her, though. Bucky moved to try and find her, but spotted her out of the corner of his eyes. Bucky turned to hit her, but something in his gut stopped him. He didn’t know what it was that stopped him, though. He froze.

                “Come on, you remember me.” Natasha spoke carefully as she prepared to hit him.

                Bucky was able to shake the feeling, throwing a punch at her. She was much faster than him, and ducked out of the way. She didn’t attack him.

                “Come on Bucky.” Natasha insisted.

                Bucky kicked at her. He hit her, causing her to fall back a little. Bucky didn’t hesitate to come at her again. He punched her in the chest. She fell back wincing. Natasha messed with something on her wrists. Bucky threw another punch at her, but she caught his arm. She drove her fist into his exposed side. She turned something on. It was a taser. Bucky winced against it, trying to pull his arm free. When she finally let him go, Bucky felt something heavy collide with his head. He was knocked unconscious immediately.

                He wasn’t down for long, though. When he came to, he felt an eerie sense of clarity. The same clarity he felt when he’d woken up with his metal arm stuck in a clamp, with Steve and Sam standing in front of him, watching. Bucky shivered, panicked. Who had he hurt?

                “A little help here?” Natasha asked him.

                Bucky glanced up at her, blinking off the last of his grogginess. Bucky shook his head and pushed himself up. He charged at the guys attacking her, punching a couple of them. He blocked a knife with his metal arm, punching the man in the gut.

                “Ah. It wore off.” The man on the intercom spoke sadly.

                “We have to take him out.” Bucky told her.

                “No kidding.” She grunted as she fought a couple of other men.

                Bucky kicked one of the men dealing with her and threw the man with a knife down on the ground. He brushed himself off, checking his arm. It looked fine. Bucky gently took the shield from Natasha and followed her inside.

                “Sorry.” Bucky spoke sheepishly.

                Natasha scoffed.

                A couple of men interrupted their moment, but they took out the men quickly enough. The men seemed surprised that Bucky was now working with Natasha again. Natasha led Bucky through the facility confidently. Bucky wanted to mention that if they split up things would probably go faster, but after the incident that just happened Bucky felt more comfortable following her. She was his source of stability for now, just like Steve had been.

                “We really have to help you get over that.” Natasha sighed.

                Steve’s promise to him. They would find a way for the words not to affect him. Bucky winced.

                “Get over what?” Bucky joked, “You’re telling me you don’t have a list of words that makes you murder-happy?”

                Natasha scoffed again, climbing some stairs. Bucky followed after her, nervously. They heard the intercom ring again, and the man came back on.

                “Well, I had hoped I was wrong, and you were still with us.” The man sighed, “But, let’s try this again.”

                “Shit…” Bucky whispered, closing his eyes.

                Natasha covered his ears, forcing him to stare right at her.

                “Bucky, just listen to me, alright?” Her voice was louder than the intercom, barely.

                Bucky still heard the traces of “longing.” His mind was sent into that same panic, but Natasha shook him. Bucky stared at her.

                “Bucky it’s alright, okay?” She spoke Russian now, to force him to pay attention to her.

                Natasha continued to speak, the entire time during the sequence. He was half-focused on them, and Natasha could tell. After the man said “one,” Natasha snapped.

                “Fuck you!” she shouted over “freight car.”

                Bucky had expected to feel numb, which he did, but it was a different kind of numbness. He felt everything coming back to him, slowly. Bucky then had an idea. He stared at Natasha as if it had worked, winking at her subtly. Natasha saw his wink, and let his ears go, pretending to be afraid of him.

                “Bucky, come on. You remember me.” She pleaded.

                “Kill her.” The man spoke sternly.

                Bucky came at her, using his metal arm. He purposefully missed. Natasha stumbled up the stairs and took off running, and Bucky followed in pursuit. He realized, with a chill running down his spine, how easily he allowed himself to act like the Winter Soldier—he could make his face stone when needed, and he could use his metal arm to fight. He usually chose not to.

                Natasha had found her way to the room with the intercom. Bucky followed in close pursuit, stopping when he got in the doorway. Natasha had allowed herself to get caught in his grasp, the man holding her by her neck with his arm. She pretended to struggle against him, but Bucky knew she could easily get out of this hold. Natasha’s eyes were filled with fear, which made Bucky pause for a moment. Maybe she was in danger and needed help?

                “Good job, bringing her to me.” The man smiled.

                Bucky forced himself to show no emotion while the man spoke. He made no moves. He just stood there, like the Winter Soldier would. Cold, and stone. It seemed to scare the man.

                “I…er…” He stammered.

                Bucky noticed he didn’t really know what to do with him now that he was so close. It was easy to tell a soldier what to do when he’s not staring you down. The man shifted slightly and winced. Natasha took this moment to stomp on the man’s foot, elbow him in the stomach, punch him in the crotch, and finally punch his nose when he’d let her go. The man collapsed, making a small noise of distress. Natasha also tazed him for good measure, and sighed. She flicked her hair out of his face.

                “Ready to go?” She asked Bucky, turning off the intercom.

                “Let’s call it in.” Bucky smirked.

                Natasha hesitated before she called on the radio, gently touching Bucky’s jaw. Bucky’s brow creased as she pulled him into a quick kiss. Bucky sighed when they pulled away, resting his forehead on Natasha’s.

                “Hey guys, we practically cleaned house.” Natasha said, “There are still a few places we haven’t been but all-in-all you can swoop in and begin arresting people.”

                Bucky smirked. He planted a kiss on Natasha’s forehead.

* * *

 

                Natasha frowned. She had spent months digging into where Fury was, only to find out he was in Europe. France, to be specific. He lived a quiet but simple routine; he would get up, go to the store, stop by a magazine stand and read the newspaper, then head home. Natasha had been sent to tail him for a while, and she’d become an expert at sneaking up on him. Of course, Fury seemed to know she was there.

                Today, she had business to conduct. She had been given orders by Tony to plant the idea of remaking S.H.I.E.L.D in his head. It wouldn’t be easy. Natasha stood next to Fury at the magazine stand, picking up one for herself.

                “Y’all have been busy.” Fury spoke calmly.

                Natasha flipped a page in her magazine.

                “How willing would you be to come back from the dead?” Natasha asked.

                “That depends.” Fury mumbled.

                “We’ve had the idea of bringing S.H.I.E.L.D back for a while. It would save us a lot of trouble in the long run.” Natasha told him, “Of course bringing it back ourselves will be nearly impossible.”

                Fury grunted in agreement.

                “So you’re coming to me?” Fury asked.

                “Not the best plan, I’ll admit.” Natasha shrugged, flipping a page in her magazine again, “But it would be easier if you did it.”

                Nick scoffed.

                “What makes you think we let S.H.I.E.L.D fall in the first place?” Fury asked, “Yes, all information was released and it was publicly disbanded. But what’s stopped us from working behind the scenes?”

                Natasha glanced at Fury then, almost shocked.

                “H.Y.D.R.A did it. So can we.” Fury’s voice was dark, “If you want us back publicly, just say the word. I can pull enough strings to get us back.”

                Natasha frowned.

                “Are you sure?” She asked, “We went out with spectacular fashion.”

                “The world needs us.” Fury told her, “With Cap on the mend, H.Y.D.R.A still a threat, and the Avengers pretty much in shambles, the people need a group they can believe in. Our agents have been helping around the world. It won’t be that hard to present the idea again.”

                “I guess you’re right.” Natasha sighed.

                “The question is, though, does Steve want it?” Fury asked.

                “We aren’t exactly in a position to tell him about this.” Natasha told him, “We say he’s improved to the public and he’s taking time away from everything to better recover, but he hasn’t even woken up yet.”

                Fury noticed the trace of pain in her voice. Natasha saw his expression change.

                “Even if he doesn’t like it, it’s the best form of compromise we’re going to get.” Natasha sighed, “So he’ll have to like it.”

                “Well, let’s hope he wakes up soon.” Fury sighed, “I can get into contact with a few people who could sponsor the idea and start this ball rolling again.”

                Natasha nodded.

                “This time, Fury,” Natasha started, “let’s try and not keep secrets from the Captain. He should be in the loop on what we’re doing.”

                Fury finally stared at her, frowning.

                “All right.” Fury told her, “I may not be happy about this, but all right.”

                Natasha smiled, putting her magazine down.

                “Until next time.” Natasha told him.

                Natasha disappeared into a crowd that walked nearby, not bothering to see if Fury left his position. Natasha trusted Fury to do what he needed to do in order to make this dream a reality. She knew he hated not being busy, and she knew how much S.H.I.E.L.D meant to Fury. It would be back in no time. Natasha’s phone began to ring, and she sighed. Natasha sat down on a park bench nearby, pulling out her phone. She answered it after noticing it was Bucky.

                “Hello?” Natasha asked.

                “Hey.” Bucky sighed, “Tony has been hounding me about calling you.”

                “I got Fury to sign on.” Natasha replied, “He’s going to have to pull some strings and ruffle some feathers but we’ll get S.H.I.E.L.D back online.”

                “Great.” Bucky told her, “But that’s not why he’s hounding me.”

                Natasha’s brow creased.

                “He wants us to go on a date of sorts.” Bucky told her, “I’m guessing this has something to do with Pepper, but I don’t know. I’ve only heard a little about what happened from Rhodey, who doesn’t want to give me too many details.”

                Natasha felt uncomfortable. A date?

                “Why would he want us to go on a date?” Natasha asked.

                “He’s noticed we’re together a lot.” Bucky answered, “He thinks we have a thing for each other, but refuse to acknowledge it.”

                Natasha scoffed.

                “Well we technically do have a thing for each other. It’s strictly professional.” Natasha replied.

                “Still, he wanted me to call.” Bucky replied.

                There was something in his voice that Natasha didn’t like.

                “Are you saying I’m incapable of dating?” Natasha asked.

                “I’m not.” Bucky replied, “I think you’re perfectly capable, assuming of course you find the right person.”

                Natasha pressed her lips together. This felt like a challenge.

                “Do you want to take me out?” Natasha smirked.

                “I can’t say I haven’t thought about it, doll face.” Bucky said, “But you said to keep things professional so I haven’t taken you out. Unless, of course, you would like me to.”

                Natasha was almost offended at how polite Bucky was. They had, on occasion, cuddled. Just so she could have that contact. Bucky was always respectful of how often she wanted to, though, and only came when she wanted him to. He would do exactly what she said, and he would respect her boundaries. When cuddling, there was no kissing or hand holding. No rubs, unless she wanted them, and especially no sleeping. Of course, there was one occasion where Natasha did fall asleep in Bucky’s arms, but Bucky hadn’t mentioned anything about it. She’d woken up a few minutes later feeling disoriented and panicked, and Bucky had let her go.

                “Let’s go on a date.” Natasha smirked.

                “Should we pretend it went well and make our relationship more public, or should we pretend it went badly?” Bucky asked.

                “Let’s see how it goes before we put up an act.” Natasha was surprised at her answer.

                Normally she devised a plan. She would go out with a man for a while, but after a few months when her itch was scratched, she would become what the man hated. Or, even better, she would plan the whole relationship out. Those were the easy ones. This, however, was uncharted territory. Natasha wanted to be with Bucky romantically, but she didn’t know for how long. She didn’t know if she even really wanted this or if she was tricking herself into thinking she wanted this. Either way, she was jumping into this pool.

                “Alright. I’ll take you out next week? At eight?” Bucky asked her.

                “Sounds good to me.” Natasha replied.

                “See you then.” Bucky replied.

                He hung up first. Natasha wondered what would happen during this date, but chose to put her mind at ease. Bucky would respect her, and that’s what she wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve will wake up soon I promise. And more Bucky/Nat, because I've been thinking about them a lo lately for some reason...Anyway, things are progressing with this story slowly...Very slowly...


End file.
